3am

              They don't know me. They haven't tried to talk to me at 3am when I am not hyped up on Adderall and caffeine, when I'm not wearing makeup or my fancy clothes, when I can barely keep my eyes open. They don't know that at 3am I am too tired to keep up with this facade.
              They act like we are best friends but they have never even met me. They only know the me that I pretend to be. They aren't friends with me, they are friends with an idea.
              Maybe someday they will meet me at 3am but I'm not sure I will ever really be ready for anyone to know who I am. The very idea of letting someone see me so vulnerable, after the only person who has really known me has become a stranger, gives me so much unbearable anxiety.